My journey with inner knowing

         Have you ever had a gut feeling that you couldn't explain?  Have you ever just known something, but not known how you knew it?  You may have experienced the wonderful gift of inner knowing.  Inner knowing is like an inner compass that points us in the highest and best direction.  Inner knowing bypasses thought and logic and connects straight to the highest source of wisdom.

         I can say, although it may sound bizarre seeing as I am now writing a blog on intuitive development, that for the first 19 years of my life I experienced precisely zero inner knowing.  Not one single solitary gut feeling in all that time.  I guess I was intuitively constipated, completely blocked up with little hope of release.  Then one day over Christmas break from college sophomore year, I watched the movie The Secret and my intuition got blown open. 

         Little did I know it at the time, I was beginning my intuitive journey.  That journey has zig and zagged and eventually deposited me here, sharing my experience to hopefully make the road easier for you.  In my experience, developing your inner knowing may be the most effective way to make the road less arduous and improve your life.

         At first I highly doubted the prospect of developing my inner knowing.  How could I go from not knowing something, to just knowing it all of a sudden?  It seemed ridiculous to me.  It went against everything I had learned about life and logic and just the way things are.  But I was open to trying - what's the worst that could happen?  I would try to access inner knowing, fail, and then feel some combination of embarrassment and humiliation.  

        Well, fail I did. This one was not so easy for me.  It took me months of practice to learn this particular skill, and many more months to become comfortable enough with it to start applying it in daily life.  It simply took my logically wired brain a while to come to terms with the possibility that I can go from not knowing something to knowing it, often in a matter of seconds.  

         Inner knowing has influenced many of my big life decisions.  The biggest one by far was my decision to drop out of college, which I did shortly after watching the movie The Secret back in 2007.  Back then I didn't know what I was feeling or even that I was utilizing intuition - I only knew that I needed leave the path I had been on, and I knew it strongly.  

         I had been working my butt off for four years of high school and a year and a half of college to be able to eventually get into medical school.  My grandparents were doctors, my parents were doctors, and my sister was a medical student at Yale - being a doctor is all I'd ever thought I would be, all I'd ever wanted to be.  I wanted to uphold the family tradition and make my parents proud.

         In that week during Christmas break, when I watched The Secret over and over again, something profound shifted inside of me.  My logical brain couldn't explain it, but my heart knew the truth - I was not destined to become a doctor.  This realization came on slowly.  After Christmas break ended, I went back to school for a few weeks and tried to resume my routine.  

         I got slapped in the face with my new reality when I sat down to write my first term paper of the new semester.  As I tried to compose an essay on the book Frankenstein, I couldn't focus, I couldn't think, I couldn't write.  All I could feel is that I was floating somewhere very high, college didn't matter anymore, and it was time for me to go.

         So I left.  I called my parents and told them I was dropping out of college, but I didn't know what to say.  I didn't have an explanation, I didn't understand what was happening to me.  I was in such an intense state of inner knowing, I didn't really even care.  I just knew, somehow, that everything would be ok.  So I came home, with no prospects, no plan, no idea of what to do or how to move forward.

         After a few weeks, that super intense period of inner knowing faded.  My logical mind started to come screaming back in - I had just destroyed my life.  I had destroyed everything I had worked for, I had shattered my parents' hopes and dreams for me.  To put it bluntly, I felt I was completely fucked.   

         After that brief blast of inner knowing, my logical mind tried to reassert control.  But I was so emotionally devastated at this point, I felt like what I had done could never be undone.  I felt like I had been running a race, doing well, and then took a wrong turn and got lost.  By the time I found the path again, all the other runners had passed me by, and I could never, ever catch up again.  

         Still, I tried to somehow make it right.  After taking two years off, I went back to college.  As hard as I tried, I wasn't the same workhorse I had been before dropping out, able to just lock in and focus and study with ease.  Now everything was like crawling up a mountain with a wind at my face, ready to blow me away.  I couldn't understand why.  But I felt like a massive failure and believed there was something profoundly wrong with me.

         Through sheer grit, I eventually finished college, then blew in the wind for a while, lost and unsure what to do.  I finally decided to get my real estate license and worked in that field for a time - but then something inside led me back to EFT/Tapping, an energy-based technique I had learned about many years ago. 

         I started seeing clients, my practice grew, and I began to feel like I had landed in the right place.  Finally, after years of agonizing suffering, I felt like I was aligned with my purpose, working successfully in a fulfilling career.  About 6 months into my EFT journey, I met my mentor Karin and started training with her every week - she taught me intuition, which I incorporated into my sessions and my own life.  As I improved my intuitive abilities, I started tuning in all the time to Source, my spirit guides, angels, and ascended masters, always asking questions and trying to learn about the nature of life.  

         Fast forward many years later, I'm doing much better and everything has worked out for the best.  I look back with compassion for my younger self and realize that during that god awful-stretch my intuition was continuously leading me in the right direction.  The stress and pain I experienced was my mind and ego fighting this intuitive guidance.  

         It took a massive intuitive push to get me off of my planned path of being a medical doctor.  I am so grateful for the inner knowing that sprouted within, seemingly out of nowhere, and showed me the way.  Now I deeply understand that this gift of inner knowing is like an internal compass that will always guide us true.  It's up to us to listen to it.