The True Nature of Source

         I was very confused about the true nature of Source or God for a very long time.  I had heard and read all types of things, many conflicting with each other, describing this magnificent and mighty Energy or Essence.  My understanding of Source continues to evolve as I seek and experience a personal relationship and communion with Spirit.  

         I would like to share here some of the misconceptions I used to hold about Source that no longer fit with my understanding and experience of this wonderful Essence.  

Source has needs

         I used to feel and believe that Source had needs, and specifically needed something from me.  I believed that Source needed me to be a certain way, act a certain way, feel a certain way, and even speak a certain way.  This almighty being I envisioned sort of like a stern father, doling out criticism and heaping expectations on me for every area of my life.

         What I have observed over the years is that this type of view did not create in me a happy, free, joyous, and loving outlook.  Instead it created constraint, restriction, heaviness, and a feeling of oppression.  As I have shifted my view around Source, my life has shifted considerably and I have felt much lighter, more buoyant, and more exuberant in my daily interactions.  

Source judges

         This was a big one for me.  At many times in my life I've struggled with feeling like a failure.  As I laid this judgment upon myself, I figured that Source must also judge me for my perceived shortcomings.  Looking back on it I can see the projection happening: I was projecting my own ideas onto Source and assuming that if I judged myself, naturally Source would also judge me.  

         I'm still working through this, as there is still a part of me who clings to the idea that Source has to at least judge me a little bit.  Judgment is so pervasive in our culture, it's just odd to think of anyone, let alone Source, having absolutely zero judgment of me.  In my meditations where I strive to commune with Source, I have never experienced receiving judgment of any kind, which has helped enormously in shifting this internally held perspective of who Source must be. 

Source doesn't allow

         This idea is almost comical when you take a look at the world.  It seems like just about everything under the sun, no matter how horrible, deprived, hurtful, and evil, is allowed to be created by human beings.  Still, this idea came into play strongly for me because my parents were very strict in many ways, especially around drugs and alcohol.  So I grew up with this idea ingrained in me that certain things are just absolutely not allowed.

         Learning this idea from my parents, I then projected (there's that lovely projection coming up again) this onto my conception and understanding of Source.  Certain cultures hold that our relationship with our parents is an exact mirror to our relationship with the feminine and masculine aspects of God.  I've found this viewpoint helpful in uncovering lingering negativity present in my perspective of and relationship with Source.

Source doesn't care

         At times it's easy to look around at life and think, hmmm, maybe Source just doesn't really care.  Maybe running the entirety of creation is time consuming enough that it pulls Source's attention from actually caring and being present to my life as a human being.  This one was especially painful and hard to swallow, but this idea definitely took hold within me from time to time, particularly during times of acute suffering. 

         I yearn for Source to care and take a personal interest in my life.  The more I communicate with this huge presence inside of me, the more convinced I become that Essence truly does care, and very deeply.  I've never received anything other than a kind word, a helpful suggestion, or a deep sense of compassion from Spirit.  I cherish my connection and relationship with Source, it brings me enormous comfort and peace in my daily life. 

Source won't help directly

         At one point in my life I toyed with the idea that Source was like a CEO or the director of a big corporation.  I noticed from this perspective it was easy to imagine Source as often delegating, and handling only a few things directly.  Over many years of doing intuitive energy work sessions, I eventually landed on always specifying at the beginning of each session that Source would direct the session.  I observed that sometimes this would result in a delegation of sorts and Source would call in a healing team perfectly suited to the tasks at hand.  These angelic beings would know exactly how to help my client shift into healthier and more aligned energy patterns. 

         Other times I would watch Source begin to help my client directly, weaving energies in such advanced matrixes as to almost overwhelm my senses and leave me awestruck.  I never knew which way the session would veer beforehand, but I learned that Source absolutely will sometimes step in and help us humans out directly.  It was a sight to behold when it did happen and I'm grateful for every one of these Source assists.  

         I try to base my understandings of the incredibly beautiful Essence that gives rise to all things on my experiences.  I invite you to allow a softening and opening in your heart - this is the process of priming your receptors for direct communication with Source.  We don't know what we don't know, and we all have different experiences and perspectives.  I honor your current perspective and know that you may expand your joy and zest for life by welcoming Source with a seat at your table.